Croissants and Conspiracies
by xXCarlaLouiseXx
Summary: Christeek or Twistophe one-shot collection... because I felt like it lol.


**A/N: This is probably in my top three South Park couples, but it's a totally weird pairing and doesn't really make sense, which is probably why I like it lol. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.**

**1: The Top Shelf**

"Nngh!" the small blonde teen exclaimed as his big, mint green eyes searched the dusty old book shelves of his local library. Tweek Tweak had read every book in this section at least three times and could probably recite them back to you if you asked him to. He had to admit -as much as he didn't want to- that they were probably the reason for most of his paranoia, but he wanted to be in the know should he one day get mixed up in something like this. It was kind of odd for a public library to have a government conspiracies section, but that was South Park for you.

The blonde looked longingly at the few books he hadn't been able to read yet, the ones on the very top shelf. Well, today he was determined to finally read them, desperate to know if he was missing something. He grabbed a chair from a nearby table and placed it firmly in front of the shelf he was after, he then proceeded to check how stable it was for about ten minutes. Unknown to him someone was watching his frantic attempt to reach the top shelf.

The French teen's mouth twitched up into a smirk as he gazed at the paranoid blonde. He switched his unlit cigarette to the opposite side of his mouth using his tongue, Christophe DeLorne had quit smoking in his early teens, but he still liked the feel of having a cigarette between his lips. Also in his opinion it added to his confident, carefree air and had become an essential part of his overall look. He waited for the perfect moment as the blonde placed a tentative foot on the chair.

Tweek took a deep, shaky breath as he lifted his second foot onto the chair, taking a few seconds to gain his balance before standing up. He frowned upon realising that he was still a little too short to reach and, in a bold move -for him anyway- leaned up onto his tiptoes stretching his arms out as far as he could, which was a big mistake. The chair slipped under the blonde's feet, causing him to let out a loud squeak as he shut his eyes, ready to tumble to the floor.

He was surprised, however, to find a pair of strong, warm hands grabbing his thin waist and holding him safely in front of the shelf. Tweek let out a nervous twitch before timidly reaching out and grabbing the book he'd been trying to get. Then he was slowly lowered back to the ground as he clutched the book like his life depended on it. "Gah! Th-thanks" the blonde said, turning to face his rescuer and gasping when he caught sight of the brunette teen. He couldn't understand why someone so stunning to look at would want to help him, a nerdy, twitchy mess.

Mint green met mud brown as the French teen held out his hand "Bonjour, my name eez Christophe" he greeted and Tweek fought back a blush -unsuccessfully- at the smooth accent.

"H-hi I'm -nngh- Tweek" the blonde replied, grabbing the other teens hand and shaking it frantically before hastily retracting his hand again. Tweek then decided to make his way to the desk, smiling politely as the librarian checked out his book for him, but painfully aware that Christophe was following him and watching with his cool, brown eyes the whole time. "Zo government conspiracies huh?" the brunette asked as he flicked the still unlit cigarette away, more intent on having the blonde's lips between his than some stupid cancer stick.

The blonde just looked over his shoulder and nodded sheepishly, terrified that this boy might want to kill him or something, but part of him was also happy that someone so handsome wanted to follow him. "Do nut worree, I do nut trust zem eizer." If this was anyone else the blonde would have been happy to get into a long, complicated discussion about the government, but Tweek didn't even know this person.

"Idon'ttalktostrangers!" the blonde blurted, quickening his pace a little.

"What deed you zay?" Christophe asked, Tweek wincing as the guy caught up with him.

"I said" Tweek sighed. "I don't -ack- talk to strangers."

Christophe couldn't help but smile at that sentence, he found the blonde so cute with his child-like mannerisms. He wasn't naive like Butters, but he had that can't-sleep-without-a-nightlight nervousness that the French teen just wanted to wrap up and take home with him. "Ah, but I am nut a strangare Tweek."

"Yes you are!" Tweek exclaimed. "I don't know you -gah!"

By now both teens had stopped walking so that they could turn to look at eachother, green and brown orbs locked in eye contact as they spoke. "Oui, but your parents know me" the brunette stated.

"Oh Jesus!" the blonde exclaimed. "Do they? How? Oh god they're not replacing me with you and sending me off to the circus are they? I can't clean out the elephants' cages man! It's too much pressure! Oh I always knew they were going to replace me with someone -gah- better looking."

Christophe chuckled, taking a step closer to the blonde and brushing a stray hair out of his face, to which the blonde responded by biting his lip and shooting Christophe a confused glance. "I go to zare coffee shop sometimes aftare work" Christophe explained. "You theenk I am good lookeeng?"

"I...uh... nngh" Tweek blushed. "I don't even -ack- know you."

"Ah, but zare eez time for zat latare mon ami" Christophe grinned. "Why nut try sometheeng spontanious for once?"

Tweek opened his mouth ready to argue, but upon realising he had no further arguements he quickly shut it again. He took one panicked, shaky look around to check that no one was watching before slowly leaning closer to the other teen, closing the gap between them by pressing his lips against those of the taller boy. He let out a paranoid sqeak, causing the French teen to smile against his mouth as he pushed the smaller boy up against the wall of an abandoned shop.

Tweek had never done anything so out of the blue and surprisingly... exciting in his life. His head spun as he let Christophe's tongue enter his mouth and he soon found himself letting out a small, involuntary moan as they continued to kiss heatedly. Christophe was just as lost in the moment, he hadn't expected the blonde to trust him so easily, but he was glad that he had. This was probably the best kiss he had ever shared, even better than the kiss he'd had with Gregory that one time. Who knew that a timid little blonde would be such a good kisser?

After a while they broke apart, gasping for air "L-like that?" Tweek asked anxiously, slipping back into paranoid mode.

"Oui" Christophe smirked. "Just like zat." Then he grasped the blonde's free hand in his and lead him down the street "Would you like to go get a coffee?"

"You -nngh- read my mind" the blonde grinned happily.

Of all the things he had to thank government conspiracies for, Tweek never thought a sexy French boyfriend would be one of them.


End file.
